Crafting My Life Works!

 

I have talked a little bit about signing up for the Crafting My Life course that Amber Strocel is facilitating.  I signed up because I’ve been at home for almost six years.  I had a job that was s0-so before I had my first son.  I don’t want to go back to that job.  For a long time, I was okay with that.  Then, gradually I wasn’t.  For a long time, I wondered how anyone would want to do anything else when they could choose to stay at home.  (I know how that sentence sounds.  I really do.)  I couldn’t imagine wanting to do something else.  I even imagined myself still staying at home once my children were all in school.  Then, little by little, that started to sound less and less like what I wanted.

First, I realized (because of our mission and playsheet in week one of the course) that I want to be really good at something.  I want to feel competent and to be good at what I do.  I realize I’m a great mom to my kids, but there are very few days when I sit back at the end of the day and feel like I have a good handle on what it takes to mother competently.  Most days I feel lucky that I end the day with three happy, healthy, wonderful children.  I feel lucky.  I don’t always feel like I caused or created that outcome.  In fact, some days I feel like I have three happy, healthy, wonderful children despite my actions not because of them.  (This doesn’t happen every day, but I think we’ve all felt like that at some point.)

Then, in week three, we talked about role models.  Now, I’m not one of those people who can say that I have role model, and I want to follow directly in his/her footsteps.  I don’t have any one person I look to as “it” when it comes to finding a role model.  I have a friend who is an amazing mother.  She is calm, responsive, kind, gentle, loving, and she is a great role model for me when it comes to dealing with my own kids.  There is a couple I know who takes time to express their feelings for each other and show their appreciation for each other.  I have a friend who is very introspective.  She’s very self-searching, and she’s also really honest about sharing what she finds.  I have a friend who started her career in one area, left that job to have children, and is now in the process of making a plan to pursue a second career when her children are a bit older.  Realizing that I admire these people has also helped me to identify areas where I would like to change my life.  In particular, I realized that I want a career.  When my kids are older, I want to identify an area of interest, possibly return to school, and pursue a career in that area.

Right now, I have a couple ideas about what area(s) I might be interested in when the time comes to pursue a new career.  When the time comes, I hope that my ideas are firmed up a bit and provide me with some sort of path.  Until then, I’m enjoying having these realizations a little at a time.

The last thing that I have realized is that life isn’t something that happens to me.  It is a choice I make. I know that there are things that happen in our lives that can change our plans in an instant.  I’m not thinking about that so much right now.  Right now, when I say this, I’m thinking more about the “I’m bored” feeling and how I’m always tired but never get to bed before 11 type situations.

On a regular basis, I say to Kael, “This isn’t something that is happening to you.  It’s something you are choosing.”  I need to hear my own words!  Instead of getting stuck in a rut or wandering around looking for “it,” I need to start making some choices.  Sure, if I don’t know what “it” is, I may not find it, but I can choose to enjoy the journey!

If you’re feeling something like what I described or if you’re feeling your own sort of wandering feelings, I highly recommending Crafting My Life.  It has been great so far (and we’re only half way through!).  It has given me a reason to sit down and think about some of these issues in my life.  It has also given me some tools to take the steps to do it.  I am so excited for the next six weeks!  I can’t wait to see what else I can find out about myself.  🙂