I am a runner

Photo taken by QSim­ple via Flickr

 

I am a runner.

I don’t run fast.  I don’t run far, but I run.  I run three or four times a week.  Right now, I’m part of a begin­ning runner’s group, and were fol­low­ing a plan that incor­po­rates both walk­ing and run­ning.  It’s sim­i­lar to the Couch to 5k plan, but the run­ning and walk­ing inter­vals start at 2 run­ning of walk­ing and 4 min­utes of walk­ing.  After seven weeks, I am at 9 min­utes of run­ning and one minute of walking.

I tried run­ning a few years ago, and I fol­lowed the Couch to 5k plan.  For some rea­son, I found it really dif­fi­cult.  I felt like I was always strug­gling and dread­ing my work­outs.  I also felt like I’d failed when I had to take an unsched­uled walk break.  I got really frus­trated, and I stopped running.

After Jonas was born, I started the Couch to 5k again, and I stopped again.  I think I prob­a­bly started it too soon after hav­ing Jonas.  My body must not have been ready for the impact and the strain of start­ing a new work­out pro­gram.  What­ever the rea­son, it didn’t feel good, and I stopped.

A few months later, I heard about the beginner’s run­ning group in town.  A friend of mine encour­aged me to try it.  She had joined the pre­vi­ous year after her son was born.  One of the things she had to say about it was, “it is one of the best things I have ever done.”  Now, if that’s not enough to encour­age me to do it, I prob­a­bly never would have.  :)  So, I went.  I didn’t love it, but I went back the next week and the week after that.  In between, I make time to run on my own three other times dur­ing the week.

For what­ever rea­son, some days are bet­ter than oth­ers.  Some days I feel strong and feel like I could have run for quite a bit longer.  Other days are a strug­gle, and I won­der what I was think­ing to run on pur­pose.  But, I do it.  And, after the run, I’m always glad that I did.

I don’t know how fast I run.  I don’t know how far I go.  Right now, I’m con­sciously not keep­ing track, because I don’t want to set up expec­ta­tions that I can­not meet.  I like know­ing that I can now run 27 min­utes out of 30.  I like hav­ing a good sweat dur­ing a work­out.  I like know­ing that even though I’m not run­ning 5 miles every night, I am run­ning 108 min­utes a week more than I was just a few weeks ago.

 

The Easter We Warmed Breastmilk Using Coffee

I wanted to add a pic­ture here of the boys with my par­ents, but for some rea­son it’s not work­ing.  Here is the link to the pic­ture.  Feel free to check it out.  Well, I wanted to link the part where I said, “Here’s the link” to the actual pic­ture.  That’s not work­ing either.  Here is the copy and pasted link of my pic­ture!  http://www.flickr.com/photos/berberich/5624619442/in/photostream

Remem­ber all that after you read this post.  It might give you some idea of the type of day I’m having.  :)

 

For Easter this year, we went to my par­ents’ house.  They spent most of their win­ter down south, and Kael and Asa were both very anx­ious to visit them.  They wanted to get their share of grand­par­ent time in addi­tion to check­ing out their toy stash for any new arrivals or old favorites.

Some time in the semi-distant past, I was in a place where I was able to visit my par­ents pretty fre­quently.  I can’t remem­ber how often we vis­ited when we had only Kael, but I know that there were times dur­ing col­lege when we vis­ited at least every two months.  Oh, how things change.

We started out for my par­ents’ house on Fri­day morn­ing.  Before we even drove six blocks, we had to stop.  One of the older boys dropped a book.  Not a prob­lem, right?  We can make a quick stop and keep going.  Before we were out of town, we stopped again.  This time it was some­thing else that was a pretty easy fix.  We kept going.  Our third stop hap­pened about 90 miles from town.  We stopped for lunch.  Luck­ily, after lunch every­one seemed pretty con­tent, and we were able to get a decent chunk of dri­ving in.  After about 45 min­utes Jason said he had to go to the bath­room.  I said what every good teacher mom says.  “Are you sure?  Is it an emer­gency?”  I urged him (very strongly!) to wait.  He gave me a look, but he did.  We drove another hour and at that point when he started to pull into a gas sta­tion in a small town, I knew bet­ter than to argue with him.

As we got back on the road, we real­ized that we had for­got­ten baby food for Jonas.  Luck­ily, there was a town with a large gro­cery store just 10 min­utes down the road.  Yep.  Stop #5.  I ran in with Kael.  We got some baby food and gum and got back on the road.  We had about 70 miles left.  Sure enough, about 30 miles into the last leg of our trip, Jonas was tired of being in his seat.  Jason moved into the back seat next to him, and I took over dri­ving duties.  We made it through the final 40 miles with­out a stop.

 

Trip sum­mary:

Total dis­tance:  281 miles (We took a longer route than nor­mal to avoid some flood­ing detours)
Time:  6 hours and 15 min­utes
Stops:  6

That’s an aver­age of 47 miles in between stops and one stop every 63 minutes.

 

Of course we had a great time at my par­ents.  We relaxed.  We were very well fed.  We saw fam­ily.  We had very lov­ing, car­ing, com­pe­tent babysit­ters while we enjoyed a sup­per by our­selves.  We slept.  We watched the Food Net­work.  It was great.

This morn­ing, though, the time came to return home.  I was hop­ing for a trip that was easy and stress free as the trip out had been.  After dis­sect­ing the trip, it sounds a lot longer, chop­pier, and drawn out than it felt.  I had a book to read on the way out, and most of our stops were quick and easy.  So, even though we did stop 6 times, it wasn’t quite as bad as it sounds.

We packed all our stuff, and we got in the van.  We were on the road at almost the same time as we had left home on Fri­day.  Sure enough.  Just as we were get­ting going, Kael said, “I’m super cold.  I need some­thing that can keep my arms warm.”  So, we stopped and got him a sweat­shirt (after I turned up the heat and let it go a few min­utes).  A few min­utes later, the boys were fight­ing over books.  Who had how many, who had which ones, etc., etc.  Then, one of the books fell on the floor.  So, we stopped to get it, and we got the grapes out at the same time (I think.  I may be con­fus­ing stops though.)  We drove for a while, and then we heard, “Dad, I have to go potty!”  So, we stopped and used the con­ve­nient ditch potty avail­able next to a flooded road.  For those keep­ing track, that’s 3 stops in about 30 miles.  We man­aged to make the next 40 miles with­out a stop, but then it was lunch time, so you guessed it.  Stop #4.  We ate lunch, and we got back in the van.  After we ate, Jonas didn’t want to have any milk, and he wasn’t ready to go back to sleep.  Not great.

He started to fuss.  Jason reached into the back­seat, and he gave Jonas a few new toys to play with.  That didn’t seem to be what he needed.  So, he popped Jonas’s paci­fier in.  That wasn’t it either.  So, we stopped.  Jason hopped into the back­seat.  I drove.  As we drove, Jonas was get­ting more and more sad.  At one point, I remem­bered that I had a bag of expressed milk in a cooler bag in the back of the van.  After lis­ten­ing to my baby who never cries cry for so long, I stopped.  I grabbed the milk, and I started warm­ing it up on the dash of the van.

Now, nor­mally I would not use direct sun­light to warm expressed milk, but trust me, this wasn’t a nor­mal sit­u­a­tion!  It was get­ting a bit warmer, but as it slowly warmed up, Jonas was get­ting angrier and angrier.  I grabbed my mug of cof­fee and took a drink.  Then, I real­ized that both Jason and I had ther­mos mugs of warm/hot cof­fee.  When we are at home, we use warm water to reheat breast­milk.  I fig­ured that in a pinch this cof­fee could be a sub­sti­tute.  So, Jason stuck the bag of milk into his ther­mos and warmed the milk.  Appar­ently it did the trick.  He was able to get the milk into the bot­tle and feed Jonas as we drove.  Then, we drove.  And we drove.  And we drove.  We drove some­where around 150 or 160 miles with­out stopping!

As we were get­ting closer and closer to home, I started ask­ing as we approached each town, “Every­one okay?  Any­one need any­thing?”  I knew that if we needed to make a bath­room stop, I wouldn’t be able to stretch it for just a few more min­utes after the boys had waited over two hours.  They kept answer­ing the same, “No.”  “I’m okay.”  “Nope.”  Until we were about 12 miles from home.  As we were approach­ing our last chance bath­room stop, Jason asked if they needed to stop, and they both answered, “I do!”  So, we made our final stop.  12 miles from home.  We then arrived home to unload all our stuff in a quick rain shower.

Trip sum­mary:

Total dis­tance:  281 miles
Time: 5 hours and 45 min­utes
Stops:  7

That’s an aver­age of one stop every 40 miles and about every 49 minutes.

This, peo­ple, is why we don’t travel very far or very often.  :)

Happy Easter!

I Have an Idea

from green­hem via Flickr

 

If you’ve talked to me in per­son in the last year or so, it’s no sur­prise that help­ing peo­ple, sup­port­ing char­i­ties, and engag­ing in social jus­tice are con­cepts that I value.  So, when I was going through a pile of stuff that I have been accu­mu­lat­ing for at least a year and I found a brochure for the Hunger Free North Dakota Gar­den Project my mind started running.

Maybe I could donate some food from our garden.

Maybe I could plant some food specif­i­cally for donation.

Maybe I could get some friends to donate with me.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Maybe I could get some friends to com­mit to tak­ing care of a com­mu­nity gar­den plot (20 feet x 40 feet) and donat­ing all of the veg­eta­bles we get to the Hunger Free Project.

That sounds AMAZING to me!  If I could com­bine two of my inter­ests and be able to pro­vide for peo­ple who might not have enough oth­er­wise, I would be so happy.  What could be better?

So, now I’m in the mak­ing con­tact and doing research phase of my idea.  I’ve con­tacted the Ag Depart­ment to get any updated infor­ma­tion they might have on the project.  I’ve con­tacted a local gar­den cen­ter that has com­mu­nity gar­den plots.  The next step would be to put this out there to friends and acquain­tances to see if any­one would be inter­ested in help­ing me.

I loved my gar­den last sum­mer, and at times I wished I could have had a big­ger space.  The thing that wor­ries me is time.  New gar­dens need a lot of care.  Our gar­den last year needed hours of weed­ing every day for 3–4 weeks.  Hours.  Every day.  I’m not sure that’s fair to my fam­ily.  That’s why I think I’ll need help.

And there’s the money.  The gar­dens cost either $125 or $150 to rent.  I can’t remem­ber which.  Of that money, either $25 or $50 goes toward a credit you can use for seeds or plants at the gar­den cen­ter.  That’s still $75 or $100.  That’s a lot for me to put up at once.

This is where my plan hits a standstill.

In my head, there’s some­thing about a spread­sheet assign­ing dif­fer­ent jobs or break­ing up the respon­si­bil­ity by assign­ing peo­ple respon­si­bil­ity for a few days at a time.  I can see a big sheet of graph paper with the gar­den all planned out.  I can see work days where we go and do a mass weed­ing or har­vest­ing.  I’m just not clear on what comes in between these things.

So, as I said in the title of this post.  I have an idea.  I’m off to obsess about it for a few days and see if I can move it for­ward to the next step.

Crafting My Life Works!

 

I have talked a lit­tle bit about sign­ing up for the Craft­ing My Life course that Amber Stro­cel is facil­i­tat­ing.  I signed up because I’ve been at home for almost six years.  I had a job that was s0-so before I had my first son.  I don’t want to go back to that job.  For a long time, I was okay with that.  Then, grad­u­ally I wasn’t.  For a long time, I won­dered how any­one would want to do any­thing else when they could choose to stay at home.  (I know how that sen­tence sounds.  I really do.)  I couldn’t imag­ine want­ing to do some­thing else.  I even imag­ined myself still stay­ing at home once my chil­dren were all in school.  Then, lit­tle by lit­tle, that started to sound less and less like what I wanted.

First, I real­ized (because of our mis­sion and playsheet in week one of the course) that I want to be really good at some­thing.  I want to feel com­pe­tent and to be good at what I do.  I real­ize I’m a great mom to my kids, but there are very few days when I sit back at the end of the day and feel like I have a good han­dle on what it takes to mother com­pe­tently.  Most days I feel lucky that I end the day with three happy, healthy, won­der­ful chil­dren.  I feel lucky.  I don’t always feel like I caused or cre­ated that out­come.  In fact, some days I feel like I have three happy, healthy, won­der­ful chil­dren despite my actions not because of them.  (This doesn’t hap­pen every day, but I think we’ve all felt like that at some point.)

Then, in week three, we talked about role mod­els.  Now, I’m not one of those peo­ple who can say that I have role model, and I want to fol­low directly in his/her foot­steps.  I don’t have any one per­son I look to as “it” when it comes to find­ing a role model.  I have a friend who is an amaz­ing mother.  She is calm, respon­sive, kind, gen­tle, lov­ing, and she is a great role model for me when it comes to deal­ing with my own kids.  There is a cou­ple I know who takes time to express their feel­ings for each other and show their appre­ci­a­tion for each other.  I have a friend who is very intro­spec­tive.  She’s very self-searching, and she’s also really hon­est about shar­ing what she finds.  I have a friend who started her career in one area, left that job to have chil­dren, and is now in the process of mak­ing a plan to pur­sue a sec­ond career when her chil­dren are a bit older.  Real­iz­ing that I admire these peo­ple has also helped me to iden­tify areas where I would like to change my life.  In par­tic­u­lar, I real­ized that I want a career.  When my kids are older, I want to iden­tify an area of inter­est, pos­si­bly return to school, and pur­sue a career in that area.

Right now, I have a cou­ple ideas about what area(s) I might be inter­ested in when the time comes to pur­sue a new career.  When the time comes, I hope that my ideas are firmed up a bit and pro­vide me with some sort of path.  Until then, I’m enjoy­ing hav­ing these real­iza­tions a lit­tle at a time.

The last thing that I have real­ized is that life isn’t some­thing that hap­pens to me.  It is a choice I make. I know that there are things that hap­pen in our lives that can change our plans in an instant.  I’m not think­ing about that so much right now.  Right now, when I say this, I’m think­ing more about the “I’m bored” feel­ing and how I’m always tired but never get to bed before 11 type situations.

On a reg­u­lar basis, I say to Kael, “This isn’t some­thing that is hap­pen­ing to you.  It’s some­thing you are choos­ing.”  I need to hear my own words!  Instead of get­ting stuck in a rut or wan­der­ing around look­ing for “it,” I need to start mak­ing some choices.  Sure, if I don’t know what “it” is, I may not find it, but I can choose to enjoy the journey!

If you’re feel­ing some­thing like what I described or if you’re feel­ing your own sort of wan­der­ing feel­ings, I highly rec­om­mend­ing Craft­ing My Life.  It has been great so far (and we’re only half way through!).  It has given me a rea­son to sit down and think about some of these issues in my life.  It has also given me some tools to take the steps to do it.  I am so excited for the next six weeks!  I can’t wait to see what else I can find out about myself.  :-)

Equally Shared Parenting

A few months ago I was attempt­ing to write a post for the Car­ni­val of Nat­ural Par­ent­ing.  The descrip­tion of the month’s topic was:

Novem­ber 2010: What is Nat­ural Par­ent­ing?: Explore one con­cept from the nat­ural par­ent­ing phi­los­o­phy – why is it impor­tant to you/your family?

I knew right away what I wanted to write about.  I was going to write about Equally Shared Par­ent­ing.  So, I started where every good writer starts.  I googled it.  I found the web­site for Marc and Amy Vachon’s book by the same name.  I started writ­ing my post.  I wrote about how we share the child rais­ing, house work, recre­ation, and then I got to bread­win­ning.  We don’t share that.

Jason has a career that he enjoys.  He likes what he does.  He is good at it, and he wants to con­tinue to do it for some time.  I went to school for edu­ca­tion.  I have a dou­ble major in ele­men­tary and mid­dle school edu­ca­tion with areas of con­cen­tra­tion (sim­i­lar to minors) in math and his­tory.  I also have a mas­ters degree in spe­cial edu­ca­tion with the gen­eral strate­gist cer­ti­fi­ca­tion.  I, unfor­tu­nately, do not have a career that I enjoy and want to return to.

So, while as much as I like to think that we are prac­tic­ing equally shared par­ent­ing, we are not.  Jason shares all the respon­si­bil­ity for the tasks around the house and with the kids, but I do not share any of the respon­si­bil­ity of bread­win­ning.  I could explain why we’ve cho­sen for it to be this way, but in the end it really comes down to the fact that I don’t work.  Right now, I’m okay with not work­ing (for money), and even­tu­ally I hope to return to a career.  How­ever, shoul­der­ing all the respon­si­bil­ity for this area is a lot.

(As a side note, remind me in the future that my 5 year old can­not nap for more than 30 min­utes or he will be up at 9:45 just toss­ing and turn­ing in his bed.)

So, as I was try­ing to write that post, I real­ized that in the future Jason and I may very well prac­tice equally shared par­ent­ing, we don’t right now.  Some days I’m okay with that, and some days I wish it was dif­fer­ent.  Some days I feel guilty about ask­ing him to share all the other respon­si­bil­i­ties of our fam­ily but not shar­ing in the breadwinning.

I have some other thoughts on careers, moth­er­hood, etc.  I may share some of them in the future, but until then I don’t have any­thing to neatly wrap up my thoughts on this.  I don’t have a great response ques­tion for any­one who might read this.  I guess I just thought I’d put this out there and see what happens.